2021 Marriage Challenge Day 1

Day 1: Think About Us.

Maybe you've never done it or maybe you haven't done it in a long time, but for the next 28 days, I want you to do something very specific. I want you to think about your marriage.Many couples fail to ever see their marriage as its own entity. They look at work, children, hobbies, the country, and their favorite sports teams as distinct entities that are good or bad, successful or struggling. Yet they don't think of their marriage in those terms. Instead, marriage gets lumped into a family category along with children or into a life category with a variety of other things.We often fail to see our marriage as its own thing. That stops today. For me and Jenny, we need to think about us. Do that for 28 days and see if things improve.To help this process, take this short 10 question quiz just to help you think about the state of your marriage. Discuss the results with your spouse tonight.  

Take a few minutes and read this article. Many couples fail to take this important step early in marriage and it hinders them for the rest of their marriage. Have you created a sense of "us?" If so, what do you appreciate the most about your marriage?

Reader's Question

How do I get my spouse to open up and have conversations with me? After two decades of marriage, this is still an issue.

Answer: When I talk about marriage, I talk about being Friends, Partners & Lovers. This question is asking about the friendship issue. A few thoughts: 1. Some people, especially men, don't communicate as much as their partner desires. Be understanding. 2. Experiment with different approaches. Men often open up more while doing things side by side with their friends rather than face to face. Go for a walk, car ride, etc. 3. If this is hard for your spouse, be careful. Don't guilt, pressure, or over-engage when he does start to open up. 4. Think of a time in which he has opened up to you, thank him and explain how it made you feel.   

Happy to help.

I am not a professional marriage counselor and do not pretend to be. However, if you need help over the next month, don't be afraid to reach out. I can help point you in the right direction. Also, each day in this email I'll answer one question from a reader. If you have a question, respond to this email. I won't use your name and will not tell your spouse you asked the question.