2021 Marriage Challenge Day 10

Day 10: A Change in Value  

"Love calls us to value some things that others devalue and to devalue things that others covet." (Fearless Families, pg. 175)Marriage changes things. The moment we say "I Do" we are agreeing to engage in a host of activities and refrain from engaging a whole set of other things. Remember, every "I Do" is also a series of "I Won'ts."Question: Do you value a strong marriage?Obviously, most people would answer yes, but forget about your verbal answer. What do your actions say? "We should value one another to such an extent that our relationship influences our schedules, dictate our actions, and determine what must be done today and what can be put off until tomorrow." (Fearless Families, pg. 182.)Consider: How will your marriage impact your decisions today? Your schedule? Your money?If your spouse matters to you, how will you show it? Will you spend time differently because you are married? Are there things you miss out on because of your relationship and you are okay missing out?Married life is different than the single life. When marriages struggle, I often notice one or both spouses are failing to act married. They want the benefits of marriage but refuse its responsibilities. It is a recipe for failure. The problem is they don't value the relationship.Yet when husbands and wives love each other, they value marriage. This allows them to make good choices of where to put there energy and to stop doing things that simply don't belong inside a committed relationship. The role of values in marriage and relationships cannot be downplayed. Click below to take one step to move forward.       

Here are 9 choices healthy couples make. Are you making each of these choices?    

Question of the Day

How do I get my spouse to be less controlling of me? 

Answer: Maybe it seems too simple, but I don't think it is. The issue here is one of respect. We don't control people we respect. We seek (and expect) to control those we don't respect. In Friends, Partners & Lovers, I write at length about respect. Read the book and discuss with your spouse what they are doing that feels disrespectful to you. If you don't see progress, make an appointment with a marriage counselor. Disrespect is far too important of an issue to ignore. For more, see: Marry a Partner, Not a Child.   

Questions?

I am not a professional marriage counselor and do not pretend to be. However, if you need help over the next month, don't be afraid to reach out. I can help point you in the right direction. Also, if you have a question, just reply to this email and I might include it in tomorrow's message. I won't use your name or tell your spouse you asked the question.