2021 Marriage Challenge Day 12

Day 12: Invest in Your Marriage   

"The fundamental way we care for our relationships is with a regular investment of time and energy." (Fearless Families, pg. 176)What energy are you bringing to your marriage?We know the importance of energy at work, with our favorite team, or to the begging of a relationship. Without energy, you won't get the job after the interview, your team won't overcome obstacles, and the second date won't happen. Yet we forget about the importance of energy as a relationship matures. Rather than intentionally bringing energy to the relationship, we allow the relationship to dictate whether we have energy or not. This is a dangerous process.When we don't intentionally bring energy into our relationship, it is destined to drift toward apathy. As we stop giving the marriage energy, the marriage stops giving us energy. The result is disastrous.Instead, we should regularly invest in our relationship. Recognize that you are either draining your marriage of passion or you are injecting it with positive emotions. Choose the latter. No doubt other things are demanding your time, attention, and passions. Yet do not give all of yourself to those things leaving nothing to give to your marriage. Give first to what matters most. Bring energy to your relationship and then your relationship will give energy to you. Click on the button below to think about energy in one area of marriage.   

Everyone has a theory of what causes divorce. This is not the only cause, but I'm convinced it's the prevailing cause.

Read this

and remind yourself of how to avoid divorce.   

Question of the Day

How can I help my spouse understand the weight his/her words carry?   

Answer: The book of Proverbs says that "the tongue has the power of life and death." (Proverbs 18.21) We can see that easily in others, but not so simple in ourselves. In an ideal relationship where you have a great deal of trust and influence, this would be an easy process. You could honestly, compassionately, and pointedly tell your spouse the impact their words have on you. When something life-giving is said you could say, "those words bring my soul to life." When something hurtful is said, you could say, "I know you didn't mean it, but when you say ____ here is how it makes me feel." If you have that type of relationship, do that. If you don't, it might take a professional to assist you through the process. Bottom line--the only way to help is to clearly communicate the impact of his/her words. I would suggest reading Crucial Conversations and apply some of the techniques the book suggests.   

Questions?

I am not a professional marriage counselor and do not pretend to be. However, if you need help over the next month, don't be afraid to reach out. I can help point you in the right direction. Also, if you have a question, just reply to this email and I might include it in tomorrow's message. I won't use your name or tell your spouse you asked the question.