2021 Marriage Challenge Day 13

Day 13: Where Fear Often Expresses Itself in Marriage   

"Intimacy demands honesty." (Fearless Families, pg. 205)When I talk about fear in marriage, a lot of people deny that they are afraid. Then when I ask them "when was the last time you had a meaningful conversation with your spouse about sex" they freeze. For many couples, fear expresses itself in our inability or unwillingness to talk about intimacy with our spouse. We are afraid of saying the wrong thing, being vulnerable, or having a conversation about something so personal. Yet conversation is desperately needed in this area. We can't have a good sex life without continually letting one another know what we desire, like, dislike, or feel. Many people think that good sex is the result of good bodies, but in fact, it's the byproduct of good conversation. Show me a couple who can talk to each other about sex and I'll show you a couple who has a good sex life. It takes courage to have an honest conversation on this topic. It's not something that comes to us naturally. Some talk about it too freely which scares their partner away while others are far too reserved and never invite their spouse into an intimate space.  The challenge is to avoid both. Yet when we can have a meaningful conversation about the most intimate of issues, there are no limits to our potential.What it takes is trust. As we grow our trust with one another, we can learn to communicate about anything.  

In years of writing this blog, no one has ever said, "Help, I'm bad at sex." Yet couples regularly report struggling with intimacy. So many couples are struggling even while everyone assumes they are good at sex. It's a bad combination. Consider the reality that you will be bad at sex until you do

THIS

.   

Question of the Day

What do you do when your spouse will no longer initiate sex because he/she feels like you criticized them sexually?   

Answer: You get help. If a couple can no longer discuss sexual issues, they need to call a marriage counselor to assist them through the issue. Every couple will face issues throughout their marriage in which they can't figure out something on their own. It's no shame unless the couple refuses to get help. Refusing to get help where you obviously need it is troublesome. So I would call and make an appointment, see the counselor, do the homework they give you, and watch how much change can take place regarding this issue. For more on the topic, read Friends, Partners & Lovers.   

Questions?

I am not a professional marriage counselor and do not pretend to be. However, if you need help over the next month, don't be afraid to reach out. I can help point you in the right direction. Also, if you have a question, just reply to this email and I might include it in tomorrow's message. I won't use your name or tell your spouse you asked the question.