2021 Marriage Challenge Day 15

Day 15: Love One Another    

"Do you want to be liked or do you want to be loved?" (Fearless Families, pg. 114)Which do you want from your spouse? Obviously the answer is both, but one clearly follows the other. When we prioritize being liked over being loved, we end up experiencing neither. Yet, when we focus on loving one another, we will also end up liking each other. So what's the difference?It's simple. To like one another, we don't deal with the real issues. Consider the first date. Your job was to show everything good about yourself to your future spouse and hide all the imperfections. That's an acceptable process for a first date, but it's no way to be married. At some point in the relationship, you must begin to actually deal with the fullness of who you and your partner actually are. That requires love. Like is not enough to deal with our struggles, insecurities, faults, and areas that need growth. But love is enough. When we are committed to one another and passionate about the well-being of each other, we can deal with a lot.The challenge is that love is risky. It demands vulnerability. Most often, we prefer just to be liked. To be loved means our partner might confront our behavior or speak about a part of our lives we would prefer to remain unspoken. They do it for our good, but it still makes us feel uncomfortable.Being liked is always comfortable; being loved sometimes is not. Which do you prefer?   Read, "Love a Person, Not the Idea of Love" by clicking below.

Quickly read through this list and see if any of these 40 characteristics are present in your relationship. 

Question of the Day

My name isn't on any of our financial accounts. I just get an allowance. How can I bring this up without making my spouse mad? 

Answer: You probably can't, but you still need to bring it up. Whether he/she gets mad is not the issue. The problem is that you don't have a relationship where this can be discussed. I would call a marriage counselor, make an appointment, and allow a professional to help the two of you discuss the issue. There are scenarios where bad decisions have been made and one spouse's name may not be on accounts. However, if that's not the history, then having one spouse dominate the finances does not make sense. As I say in Friends, Partners & Lovers, marriage is about an equal partnership. It doesn't sound like this is the case. As a couple, you need to figure out why this is the case.   

Questions?

I am not a professional marriage counselor and do not pretend to be. However, if you need help over the next month, don't be afraid to reach out. I can help point you in the right direction. Also, if you have a question, just reply to this email and I might include it in tomorrow's message. I won't use your name or tell your spouse you asked the question.