2021 Marriage Challenge Day 20

Day 20: Love Your Neighbors    

"How can I love my neighbor when I'm more interested in what he owns than in who he is?" (Fearless Families, pg. 88)Marriage is designed to make much of God. It is a path which God uses to transform our hearts, teach us about Him, and use us to serve others. While not every marriage deepens our spiritual lives, if both spouses are followers of Jesus, we should seek to glorify Him in our relationship.One key aspect of loving God is loving our neighbors. Question--does your marriage cause to you love others well?One of the great hindrances toward loving others is covetousness. We can't love others when we are focused on what they have rather than who they are. Humanity has deep needs for connection. Yet relationships are ripe for pain, so instead of loving others, we often attempt to love things. We seek connection with material things rather than connection with people.It happens individually but can also happen as a couple. One characteristic of a healthy relationship is it empowers us to love others rather than loving things. The closer we draw to each other, the less need we will have for material things. As our needs are met by each other and the value of human connection is experienced, materialism begins to lose its grip on us. Yet as we fail to love each other well, we are tempted to find a connection with things.   A simple test for your marriage--how much do you covet what others have? Coveting what others have is a double-whammy--it's both a sign and a hindrance. It's a sign things aren't great and it will hinder you from getting where you want to be. The problem with coveting is that it prevents us from loving. You can't love others if you covet them. Are you and your spouse growing in love or nurturing a habit of coveting?For more, read chapter four of Fearless Families. 

Red flags should get our attention. Are any of these 7 present in your relationship? 

Question of the Day

Our child is soon to get married. What do you recommend regarding pre-marital counseling? 

Answer: I am a major proponent of pre-marriage counseling. I actually promote pre-engagement counseling. See HERE. Think about when a person is pregnant. A whole series of doctor's appointments are made. They go for several months before the baby is born and then start taking the baby to the doctor afterward. That's what I encourage for couples. As they consider engagement, get with a counselor. Allow them to assist you through the process. Then go back for the first year of marriage, maybe attending sessions quarterly. One last thought--while pastors can be helpful to give theological understanding about marriage, we should not do pre-marital counseling. We are not trained for that. Instead, get counseling from a professional counselor.  

Questions?

I am not a professional marriage counselor and do not pretend to be. However, if you need help over the next month, don't be afraid to reach out. I can help point you in the right direction. Also, if you have a question, just reply to this email and I might include it in tomorrow's message. I won't use your name or tell your spouse you asked the question.