2021 Marriage Challenge Day 21

Day 21: A Model for Love    

"In order to know what love really looks like, we must have it shown to us." (Fearless Families, pg. 120)Maybe the greatest mistake we make regarding marriage and love is deceiving ourselves into believing that we naturally know what love is. We don't. Left to our devices, we will assume whatever feels right to us is the loving way. Whatever makes us feel uncomfortable will be assumed to be unloving. Yet the true nature of love does not always align with what feels best to us. Consider a good coach who loves his players. Oftentimes the players don't feel the love of the coach even as he is loving them well. So it is with us. It can feel loving when a spouse covers our addiction, but that's not love. It can feel unloving when they firmly, but compassionately, confront bad behavior, but that's true love. For us to truly love one another, we must have love shown to us. For followers of Jesus, he is the ultimate model of love. But we also need other people. Who are the ones you look to in order to understand the true nature of love? Who loves you well? Whose example do you want to follow?One of the strengths of longevity is that as a couple matures, they begin to learn from one another how to love. Even as Jenny loves me, she's teaching me how to love her. And vice versa. To remind yourself of the power of love, read The Most Overlooked Characteristic of Who You Want to Marry. 

Need a quick jolt of rejuvenation into your marriage? Here is a little trick we use. 

Question of the Day

What's the simplest piece of marriage advice you give? 

Answer: There is one recommendation I regularly give which sounds ridiculous to people, but I really think it is good advice. The idea--take a walk. Few things are as easy, yet transformative, as regularly taking walks with one another. First, it's free so there is no financial hindrance. Second, it's exercise which quickly has benefits for each person. Third, it changes your routine. Walking gets you out of the house and allows you to see new things. Fourth, it leads to conversation. Walking takes place at a pace that gives you time to talk to one another. And this is the real power of a walk, it encourages a couple to communicate. Walking is so important to my relationship with Jenny that I can feel it when we haven't walked in a while. I feel distanced. A simple walk changes that. Any one walk may not be helpful, but make it a pattern and you will see the difference.    

Questions?

I am not a professional marriage counselor and do not pretend to be. However, if you need help over the next month, don't be afraid to reach out. I can help point you in the right direction. Also, if you have a question, just reply to this email and I might include it in tomorrow's message. I won't use your name or tell your spouse you asked the question.