2021 Marriage Challenge Day 28

Day 28: Reject Your Fear    

"Recognize your fear then refuse to let it drive your decision making." (Fearless Families, pg. 215)We all have fear. The problem is that from an early age we are told to deny it so that we aren't even very good at recognizing it anymore. Yet as I sit with couples and hear about the marriage struggles, the issue which keeps coming up is fear. They don't see it. They say we can't talk, but I point out that fear is keeping them from calmly and honestly telling each other what they feel. They say the issue is intimacy, but I show them that the vulnerability which sex requires is too much for one (or both) of them to take.They say it's a money issue, but I help them see their fear of looking less than successful to their friends or having their kids miss out on something is what is really driving them.Fear is wreaking havoc on our marriages and we don't even realize it. Hopefully, over the last 28 days, you've seen some ways in which fear influences your relationship and have been equipped to choose a different way.But this is just a start. Each of the previous reflections is simply based on a quote from Fearless Families. To drive the concepts deeper into your marriage and your family, purchase a copy by clicking on the button below. 

It's not unusual for couples to contact me after the 28 Day Marriage Challenge because something unhealthy has been revealed in their relationship. I remind them, "that's a good thing." Now they have a chance to work on it. The question is do they work on it alone or do they need professional help. Here is a quick guide to show the difference. 

Question of the Day

My spouse and I are so different. Is there any way we can have a good marriage since we are such different people? 

Answer: Yes. As a matter of fact, I would say the more different two people are the more potential their marriage has to truly be strong. The differences might make the path more difficult, but it can also make it more rewarding. Differences are strengths when they are appreciated and utilized. Consider, if I was starting a business with a business partner, I wouldn't want someone just like me. I would want someone with radically different skillsets and personalities. I would want them to have the same work effort and buy-in as me, but everything else would need to be different so that we could accomplish great things. The same is true in marriage. The problem with your marriage is not your differences. It might be how you see your differences or how you handle them, but the differences themselves are not the issue. For more, see Friends, Partners & Lovers.  

Questions?

Thank you for all the questions you sent over the past month. If I failed to answer your question, I'm sorry. Feel free to respond to this email and I'll try to answer as many one-on-one questions as possible.