2021 Marriage Challenge Day 5

Day 5: Admit Where You Are 

Where is your marriage? What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? If you could list three things you need to work on, what would they be? Would your spouse agree?One thing fear does, it causes us to fake it until we make it. The only problem is that we often never make it which means we never stop faking it. I know a lot of marriages that project a strong front on social media or in front of friends, but behind the scenes, they are a train wreck. While it does no good to air our dirty laundry in public, it also doesn't help to project a strength that is not real.So where are you? What's the true state of your marriage? Fear often causes us to overvalue appearances. We place more emphasis on who we appear to be than who we actually are. But there is a problem. "Overvaluing our image doesn't just give a false impression, it hinders our ability to grow." (Fearless Families, pg. 60)Whenever we fixate on appearances over reality, we make an effort to impact the perceptions of others but not to actually improve our relationship. It's pointless. If you are going to work, why not work to change the substance of your relationship? Why not actually get better instead of just appearing better?"We grow as individuals and families when we confront the truth and talk about what is real." (Fearless Families, pg. 74) Do that today. Be honest. What's working and what's not working in your marriage? What will you do about it?  

This article isn't directly about marriage but it applies. Until we admit where we are, we can't get to where we are going. Read it. Discuss it. And then do something about it. Click

HERE

.  

Question of the Day

How do we deal with marriage conflicts due to the extra burden on mothers because of the pandemic? 

Answer: Marriage is never easy, but it has been especially challenging for some over the past year because of the pandemic. In many cases, moms have shouldered a lot of the burden. One thing I often say about marriage is that grief quickly reveals any crack in the foundation. The extra weight shows us what might often go overlooked. While some conflict is expected, a marked increase in tensions might reveal some problems with the foundation. I would discuss what is causing the stress (either alone or with a marriage counselor if necessary) and figure out some changes you both can make in order to ease the tension. Is the workload being equally shared? Has too much fallen toward one spouse? Are you sliding into some unhealthy patterns? Review the basic roles of a spouse as spelled out in Friends, Partners & Lovers, and see which area needs some attention.   

Questions?

I am not a professional marriage counselor and do not pretend to be. However, if you need help over the next month, don't be afraid to reach out. I can help point you in the right direction. Also, if you have a question, just reply to this email and I might include it in tomorrow's message. I won't use your name or tell your spouse you asked the question.