2021 Marriage Challenge Day 6

Day 6: Is Debt a Tool or a Crutch?  

Debt can be good. It can give an opportunity to an education, get you into a home, or create a chance to create wealth. I'm not anti-debt. But most debt does none of the above. Rather than consciously making a wise choice to leverage debt as an investment, many of us carelessly go into debt for one reason--fear. Whether it be the fear of missing out or the fear of being seen as a failure or the fear of having to deal with our pain alone, we go into debt to keep up appearances, soothe our pains, or to satisfy our sense of entitlement. Debt is often destructive. "Fear tells us we can't let our guards down. We must pretend to have it all, know it all, and be it all." (Fearless Families, pg. 67) But fear is a liar. We don't have to do or be any of those things. Few things can put stress on a relationship quite like money. While money can't purchase happiness, we can create a climate where it is very difficult to be happy because of our foolishness with money. What few people recognize is the relationship between fear and debt. Yet if we believed the truth and lived the truth, we would use debt far less often and its destructive influence over our lives would be lessened.In Friends, Partners & Lovers, I talk about one of the major roles of a spouse is that of a partner. Money management is something partners do. They figure out how to make it and manage it. If either of those areas falters, trouble is sure to come. So how is your partnership regarding money? Are you on the same page? Is debt decreasing, savings increasing, and are you confidently headed toward your financial goals? If not, why not? And do you need to seek help to get on the right track?"Most debt is a symptom of valuing appearances over reality." (Fearless Families, pg. 72)    Plan some time this week to discuss 10 questions about money.   

Everyone knows the danger of adultery to a marriage, but few consider the ramifications of financial adultery. Couples need to be united in how they manage their money. Click on the image above to read more.   

Question of the Day

How do you communicate when any critique is taken as an accusation and reciprocated with return fire? 

Answer: To me, this is a red flag. When a couple cannot communicate, something needs to change. In most cases, the couple has failed to learn proper communication and over time has devolved into unhealthy patterns. This destroys a marriage. Even if the couple stays married, trust and intimacy are lost. You need to get help. Both spouses need to recognize their pattern of communication (or lack of communication) is unhealthy. Just as you would go to the doctor if you got the flu, so you need to go to the marriage doctor in order to learn new habits of good communication. The condition is not fatal if it is treated, but left untreated it will kill any chance of a meaningful relationship. For more, read chapter 3 of Happily: 8 Commitments of Couples Who Laugh, Love and Last.   

Questions?

I am not a professional marriage counselor and do not pretend to be. However, if you need help over the next month, don't be afraid to reach out. I can help point you in the right direction. Also, if you have a question, just reply to this email and I might include it in tomorrow's message. I won't use your name or tell your spouse you asked the question.