2021 Marriage Challenge Day 7

Day 7: Connection and Courage  

One of our family values is that we celebrate courage. (For more on family values, see the pre-order gifts for Fearless Families). We choose to celebrate it for two reasons: 1) We desperately need courageous people and 2) courage doesn't come naturally.But there is an interesting thing about courage--the more connected we feel, the braver we become. Connection creates courage. Love creates a climate in which we can take risks, because we know that even if we fail, we will still have the support of our family. When we don't have a strong support structure, we are tempted to show less courage. Scared people are often disconnected people. This idea holds an important point for families, especially couples. "When those I care about fail to take risk or grow, it doesn't mean I should question their courage or push them to act bravely. It means I should make them more confident in my love for them. We all have the capacity for courage if we are sure there's a net waiting to catch us should we fall." (Fearless Families, pg. 113)How brave is your spouse? Are they willing to reveal their hearts? Do they apologize quickly? Will they get help with problems or open themselves up for critique? If no, I wonder if they feel connected?   When a couple exhibits courage, they solve problems, love others, support one another, aren't easily rocked by unexpected circumstances, and are willing to try new experiences. Their strengths rub off on one another and they grow. Without courage, couples get stuck.Connection is the key to courage. And courage is the key to growth.  Click on the connection check-list below and see where you score. Discuss with your spouse, your scores and what makes them feel most connected with you. Be intentional about making them feel loved and supported.  

Connection doesn't happen by accident. It takes intentional steps to make sure our spouse feels loved and supported. The biggest issue is time. Click on the image above the consider how to make your spouse feel more connected.   

Question of the Day

I recently found out I've been doing something for decades which hurt my spouse. He/she won't forgive me. What should we do? 

Answer: Get help. Sometimes we face issues we just can't navigate on our own. Especially when something took place for so long, it takes some time to work through. On many occasions, we need help from others. Call a marriage counselor and allow them to help you through the process. There is no shame in this process. The offender should take the lead in this process. Don't rush your spouse, but do show that you are willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild trust. For more, see: How to Forgive When You Can't Forget.  

Questions?

I am not a professional marriage counselor and do not pretend to be. However, if you need help over the next month, don't be afraid to reach out. I can help point you in the right direction. Also, if you have a question, just reply to this email and I might include it in tomorrow's message. I won't use your name or tell your spouse you asked the question.