7 Intentional Steps for a Better Marriage Today

February 23, 2016

If a successful marriage requires intentional actions from two people, what does intention look like on a daily basis? While there are times in which being intentional requires major sacrifice, most marriages can benefit from small steps taken with purpose. If you want to change your marriage today, here are 7 actions to take every day.

7 Intentional Daily Steps:

1. As your day begins, connect with your spouse. Even if it’s just a moment, find a way to bond with one another before you walk out the door. For some, it might be lingering in bed for a few moments. For others it might be an extended hug before you rush out the door. If one spouse leaves early before the other is out of bed, it is might be a meaningful kiss on the forehead as the spouse still sleeps. Whatever it takes, remind yourself and your spouse that you are in this together.

2. Make an intentional choice to love your spouse today. Do this not just in theory, but in practice. In order to love, you must consider what they might face today. What are they worried about? What are they nervous about? What is different about today from other days? This requires listening, understanding, and considering them above yourself. (See: Three Essentials of a Healthy Marriage)

3. Ask your spouse, “What is one way I can help you today?” Maybe this is a text message sent midway through the morning. Maybe it is a question before you leave the house. In whatever format works for you, make yourself available to assist your spouse in a meaningful way. Your schedule may afford you the opportunity to do what they need, but make every effort to help them. Just asking the question will help you understand what kind of day they will face and can give you empathy toward them.

4. Build in reminders throughout your day to think about your spouse. Left to chance, we are more likely to remember our spouse in negative ways–what they forgot, what they have failed to do, what we wish they would have noticed. Instead, we should intentionally think about our spouse throughout the day in positive ways. Reflect on good memories, strengths, and create true appreciation for one another. For me, every time I touch my wedding ring, I think about Jenny. I try to intentionally touch the ring throughout the day in order to remind myself of her.

5. Find ways to steal a few moments together. Run by the house while you are out for lunch. Sneak in a phone call between meetings. Play hide-and-seek with the kids, but you and your spouse hide in the same spot. It’s amazing how meaningful small moments can be. To improve your marriage, the biggest impact may be found in the smallest of changes. (See: A Touchy Subject in Marriage)

6. Before your day is over, reconnect. The best way to reconnect is to talk with one another. Having a meaningful conversation without distraction can quickly connect a husband and wife. Take a walk. Mute the TV. Cuddle in bed before you go to sleep. Just find a way to have a real conversation about something. Watch carefully how you begin and end each workday. As best as possible, launch into the day together and return home to one another when the day is done. If you connect at the beginning and end of each day, you will feel a deeper level of intimacy.

7. As you go to sleep, gives thanks for your spouse. Realize your marriage is bigger than you. Recognize that while imperfect, you are fortunate to have one another and to have been given another day to do life together. Thank God for what you have and vow to make tomorrow even better if he grants you another day. (See: The Day I Stole an Airline Ticket to See Jenny)

Intention within marriage does not always require major changes. In many ways, an intentional marriage is one in which small transitions of thought have a dramatic impact. But a successful marriage does demand effort.