An Unseen Enemy of Marriage

This one thing might be making your marriage more difficult than it needs to be

Author

Kevin A. Thompson
November 11, 2024

The most likely time for Jenny to say something to me is a few seconds after I have turned off the television to read or write. As I get into the first paragraph, she will have a question. She will say something, I’ll respond, I will get back into my book (either reading one or writing one), and the pattern will start again. After two or three cycles, I’ll put my book down or close my laptop; at this point, Jenny will say, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were working.”

This pattern has been present in our marriage since day 1. What intrigues me about it is how many words I have missed out on from Jenny because the TV was on. The silence brings out the conversation when I’m reading or writing. When noise is present, Jenny assumes I’m busy, but she reaches out for connection when that noise is removed.

What would happen if we intentionally removed unnecessary noise? How much connection are we losing because a TV is on, laptops are open, or phones are in our hands?

This week, Change The Odds the Podcast (Apple or Spotify) is discussing the topic of noise. We live in a noisy world, but we rarely understand the relationship between noise and disconnection. For most couples, eliminating some of the noise would create the space for a deeper connection.

What source of noise most hurts your connection with your spouse?

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Exercise: Take 60 seconds and shut off all outside sources of noise. During that time, think about your spouse. Remember how you fell in love. Consider what they might be experiencing today. And feel a sense of gratitude for your relationship. At the end of the 60 seconds, reflect on how you feel about your spouse. Does a simple one-minute exercise positively impact your feelings?

Want a quick way to evaluate your relationship? Consider how you each tell the story of how you met. Watch this:

The holidays are quickly approaching. While Stay In Your Lane has many applications—anxiety, parenting adult children, business, etc—one of its great gifts is that it can make family get together far more peaceful and enjoyable. Send a copy to each family member who you have invited to Thanksgiving and/or Christmas and let them know you are looking forward to the best family get together you’ve ever had.

If you have a question regarding your relationship, respond to this message and I’ll try to point you in the right direction.

Blessings,

Kevin