Mental health is the issue of our day. No generation before has struggled with the problems of anxiety, burnout, depression, questions of identity, or internal strife to the extent of our generation.

No one is untouched by these issues.

While we deal with our own mental health, we also spend a great deal of time interacting with the mental health of others. Every parent, spouse, adult child, or anyone with a heart wonders, “How do we help others?”

This was the question I covered last weekend at Bayside and I think it would be worth your time to listen. I give several things to avoid and then a couple of practical suggestions of how to help.

Step One to Helping Others

The first step in helping others is knowing the C.I.A. There is a great difference between the things we control, those which we can influence, and those which we can only accept.

The greatest issue I see with myself and others is that we try to control the mental well-being of others. This is an impossible task. While well-meaning, attempting to control others does more harm than good. While we can influence them, we do not have the ability to ensure the safety or well-being of others, even those we love the most.

Failing to know and live by the right C.I.A. not only hurts the mental health of the ones we are trying to help but also hinders our own mental well-being.

If you are confused about what you control, influence, and accept, re-read Stay In Your Lane. It’s the easiest book you’ve read since Good Night Moon, yet it gives the clarity we need to ensure that in trying to help others, we aren’t actually causing harm.

An Important Second Note

Whenever we understand the C.I.A. it will keep us from making a major mistake when trying to help others—attempting to fix them. You and I might be able to fix some problems but we are never able to fix people.

Yet that is exactly what we try to do. And the more we love someone, the more tempted we are to try to fix them.

Not only does this put us on a never-ending treadmill of exhaustion, it hurts others, and hinders our relationships with them.

Here’s a three-minute word on the difference between comforting others and trying to fix them.

A Side-note on Self-harm and Salvation

Anytime we talk about mental help and helping others, the issue of self-harm is rightfully raised. For many years, some in the church have taught that those who take their own life cannot experience eternity with God. While this idea was well-intended, it is greatly harmful and simply untrue.

My assumption is that this false idea came from a place with good intentions. The Church, wanting to prevent the pain of suicide, tried to scare people out of committing the act. So they taught that suicide would not allow a person to go to heaven. Of course, scaring people out of self-harm doesn’t work. So the only impact of this wrong teaching is hurting survivors in fearing that their loved one has no chance of eternity with God.

Thankfully, the New Testament tells us a different story. What is Christian truth on this topic—my eternity is not based on how I die but on how Jesus has died for me. According to Christians, salvation is solely based on what Jesus has done and is a gift to us. So a person can sadly take their life, but that act doesn’t nullify their relationship with God.

Here’s the words I’ve told countless church members when asking the question about a loved one who has taken their own life.

baysidegranitebay

View more on Instagram

I hope you have a great weekend. If I can be of any service to you or your family, don’t hesitate to respond to this email.

Blessings,

Kevin