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When Both Lead: The Spiritual Power of Shared Responsibility
Faith was never meant to be a one-person show in marriage. Somewhere along the way, many couples adopted the idea that one spouse—usually the husband—should be the “spiritual leader.” He’s expected to set the tone, make the decisions, and drive the family’s faith. The problem? It’s not biblical, and it’s not effective.
Marriage was designed as a partnership where both people take ownership of their spiritual lives and use their unique gifts to lead one another toward Christ. When only one person carries that responsibility, the home leans on a single leg. It may stand for a while, but it won’t stand strong. (This is point one of the Five Spiritual Practices for Every Good Marriage. Catch the other four here on Apple or Spotify. Or watch at the bottom of this email.)
Leadership That Looks Like Love
Ephesians 5 begins with a simple but revolutionary line: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Paul doesn’t assign holiness to one person. He invites both to lead through love and service. That means each spouse carries the sacred duty of spiritual formation, for themselves, for one another, and for their children.
In practical terms, spiritual leadership isn’t about who prays first at dinner or who suggests the next Bible study. It’s about who is growing in humility, who asks for forgiveness first, who models patience under pressure. It’s about two people learning to follow Jesus and to follow each other, sometimes alternating who takes the lead depending on who has the strength in that season.
The Power of Reciprocity
Jenny is a strong spiritual leader. She models devotion in her private life, she exemplifies service in her public life, and she greatly influences others for God’s Kingdom.
Hopefully, I do the same.
In some seasons, one of us might be stronger than the other. While in different seasons, the feelings might be reversed. We are there for each other, and our individual spiritual lives greatly influence one another. This back-and-forth rhythm is what makes marriage work.
Too many couples get stuck waiting for the other to take the first step. But if you’re waiting on your spouse to grow before you do, you’ll both be waiting forever. Each person is responsible for their walk with God. Each person can decide to lead. And you can do so today.
Practical Ways to Lead Together
Own your faith. Spend time with God daily, not out of obligation but out of desire.
Pray for each other. Not “God, fix them,” but “God, strengthen us.”
Speak spiritual truth. Encourage your spouse with Scripture, not criticism.
Celebrate growth. Notice and name when you see your spouse becoming more like Christ.
Share leadership. Be as quick to follow your spouse as your are to lead them, and as courageous to lead them as you are to follow.
When both spouses lead spiritually, something beautiful happens. You stop competing and start complementing. You stop debating who should do what and you start fixating on what you can do to love, serve, and follow after Jesus.
Every marriage needs a spiritual leader. God knew that, so He gave us two.
I know you have enjoyed getting to know Blaine and Adrienne on the podcast. They are even more fun off camera. Make sure th follow their new venture on Instagram.
