I Never Knew I Controlled This

What’s the most important question heading into 2024?

It’s not:

• Who will be President?

• How much weight do I need to lose?

• What should my resolutions be?

There is nothing wrong with those questions, but none of those questions create action. They feel important but change very little.

Rather than focusing on any of those questions, if I could get you to zero in on just one question for 2024, it would be this:

What do I control?

Some get nervous about that question because it sounds to selfish. And, asked with the wrong motive it can be wrong. However, when asked properly, it is the most humble (and humbling) question we can ask.

Since publishing, Stay In Your Lane, I have fixated on this question for the past several months and two truths have become abundantly clear:

1. I don’t control nearly as much as I think or would like.

2. I control far more than I realize.

Yes, both of those are true.

I don’t control as much as I think or want. While I can influence other people, they get to make their own decisions and I’m not nearly as influential in their process as I often think—this includes my kids, co-workers, bosses, and a slew of other relationships. Other people get to make their own decisions and despite those decisions impacting me, I don’t get to control them.

However, I control far more than I have ever realized.

The biggest revelation of 2023 for me is something that I control.

I control my attention.

I’ve never understood the power of attention or the amount of control I unknowingly gave to others. Yet this past year, I’ve read (and written) a good amount on attention and now realize the power of it’s impact.

Consider: Attention rewires the brain. When you and I intentionally pay attention to something over time, our brain rewires itself toward that thing.

Want a better marriage? Pay more attention to it.

Want to grow spiritually? Pay more attention to it.

Want to get in shape? Pay more attention to it.

When we are passive toward our attention, it in no way lessens the power of attention. It simply outsources to other people who gets to wire our brains. When we mindlessly scroll (doom scrolling) social media, our attention is being directed by global corporations to shape us in a way they can best profit off of us. When we intentionally focus on important things, our brains are being re-wired to value those things even more.

Either way, our brains are changing. The question is who will decide how my brain will be wired—me or others? (For a better way than Doom Scrolling, check out this short work Hope Scrolling.)

Whether we are intentional or unintentional, either way, our brains are changing.

2024

Consider the year ahead. Over the next twelve months, some things will get more attention than others. Without intention, you will tend to fixate on whatever others desire you to fixate on--elections, turmoil, sports, gossip, etc.

But with intention, you can focus on relationships, growth, character, or anything you choose. As you pay more attention to those things, your brain will begin to re-wire to place a higher priority on them. So attention begets more attention. It also creates more affection. You will end up loving whatever you pay attention to.

So we control what we love. We just don’t control it the way we think. We assume we choose what we love and attention will naturally follow. Instead, we choose what we pay attention to and affection naturally follows.