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Scared Friends, Disobedient Children, and Accidental Racism

August 04, 2015

On occasion I like to take a break from the normal writing on Friday for a series called Funny Friday. For a background to this series see:

Parenting might be exhausting and frustrating at times, but on many occasions it is hilarious.

Here are four recent stories which have made me laugh:

Why We Don’t Call People By Their Hair Color

The kids and I tagged along with Jenny on a recent business trip. One day while in the hotel a kind lady was talking to the kids and mentioned Silas’ blond hair. She asked if people called him “blondie?”

Hearing that it was socially acceptable to call someone by their hair color, Ella began to do the same.

It wasn’t a big deal when she called the first few people by their hair color, but we quickly had to change her new habits when we were in a more ethnically diverse area and Ella was walking around calling people “Brownie” and “Blackie.” (See: Ella on Kicking a Teacher, Telling a Knock-Knock Joke, and a Dinner Prayer)

“You Old Honkey”

A big church building is a scary place at night. The building creaks. You never know who is in the large space. Strange noises are often heard.

A long-standing tradition with my co-workers is the habit we have of exploiting the scariness of the church building and regularly scaring one another. We have been known to hide for a lengthy period of time just to jump out at our friends. It’s a guys only game. We work very hard not to scare our female coworkers. We loudly announce our presence or intentionally stay hidden if someone of the opposite sex walks by. However, when a fellow guy staff member is near, we do everything we can to scare them.

This week I was meeting one of my co-workers for lunch. As I pulled in the parking lot, I noticed him getting out of his truck. He was fully engaged with a texting conversation as he walked across the parking lot and never realized I was near him. I hit the gas and raced toward him, slamming on the horn as I got near by. He jumped and then we both laughed. (See: The Only Time I Was Ever Stoned)

Later that afternoon I was telling the story to Ella. She thought it was so funny that I had scared my friend. Wanting to make fun of him the next day, Ella said, “The next time I see him, I’m going to call him “you old honkey.”

I laughed hysterically which only encouraged Ella. She still doesn’t understand why I won’t let her call my co-worker “honkey.”

How Sisters Are Like Sermons

We were walking up the stairs toward bed and I noticed Silas shaking his head. “What is it?” I asked.

“Sisters sure are irritating sometimes,” he said. (See: Silas on the Sybil War, Col. Sanders, and Peeing Crooked)

I completely understood what he meant; it’s not easy to be a little brother. Yet I knew it was important for Silas to have empathy toward his sister so as we laid down to go to sleep I explained how everyone is irritating sometimes.

“You probably irritate Ella sometimes,” I reminded Silas.

He agreed.

“I’m sure I irritate people sometimes,” I said.

Without hesitation, Silas said, “Yeah, with all of your sermons.”

Buying Grandpa a Birthday Present

Last month was my Dad’s birthday.

I asked Silas, “What should we give Papaw for his birthday?”

Silas pondered for a moment and then said, “The opportunity to buy us stuff?”

When Silas Gets in Trouble

Silas knew he shouldn’t be doing what he was doing. I told him multiple times to stop. When I caught him still disobeying, I firmly said his name. He saw the look on my face, turned to his friend and said:

“And now, the lecture.”

Happy Friday.

For more Funny Friday, see: