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The Most Overlooked Characteristic of Who You Want to Marry
Kevin A. Thompson
February 15, 2025
Two articles that went viral significantly changed my writing life. The first was "The Number One Cause of Divorce." It was a simple article about the importance of intention within marriage. It will be the focus on talks I give in California, Washington, South Carolina, and North Carolina, all within the next two weeks. All these years later I still talk about that article.
The second was “The Most Overlooked Characteristic of Who You Want to Marry.” While it had two million fewer views than the previous article, it was still read 3.5 million times and is a key factor in how I got my first book deal and why the last decade has seen me focus so much time on marriage.
When I first wrote about this overlooked characteristic, the idea that finding a partner who could suffer well was nowhere to be found in marriage literature. Today, it is a common discussion. Ten years later, I believe in the concept more than ever.
Life hurts. Sorrow is guaranteed. Whomever you are married to will either help you endure life’s hardships or will compound them. Which is why we should choose wisely whom we should marry.
That’s why we should love well when our spouse experiences one of life's hardships. The last thing we want to do is make their lives more difficult when they are already suffering.
Suffering is the topic for this week’s episode of Change the Odds, the Podcast. My co-hosts, Adrienne and Blaine Neufeld, tell the story of a pregnancy that ended in tragedy. Imagine going through the worst day of your life and not being able to reach your husband, who was on a men’s retreat. This episode is raw and honest.
And while we are at it, don’t forget this truth—Wal-Mart (or wherever you go) is full of much more pain than we realize. Rather than assuming people are mean, jerks, or rude, assume they are hurting.
I continue to hear great things as groups go through the Stay In Your Lane Bible Study. If you haven’t already done so, check out this free resource.