The Respect Every Marriage Needs

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We just finished a six-week study of Becoming Friends, Partners & Lovers: The Guidebook. Over 600 people signed up for this quick study. Here’s what one person said about the class:

It’s amazing what a little intentional effort can do for a relationship. While there are no magic pills, small, deliberate steps of learning, growth, and consideration can make a major difference in marriage. That’s what these six weeks were for those who attended. And, that’s what they can be for you as well.

We’ve turned the video of our weekly studies into a podcast series on Change the Odds. Four episodes have already been released, with eight more on the way. This week is part two on respect.

5 Signs You Are Getting It Right

A strong partnership is built on respect. Yet many times, couples don’t even recognize they are failing to create that mutual respect in their marriage. Here’s the outline I used for one part of our talk on respect. Which of these 5 things do you need to work on?

1. Respect is Honoring the Personhood of Your Spouse

   • Recognizing that your spouse is a unique individual, not just a role in your life.

   • Acknowledging their dignity, worth, and individuality in how you speak and act.

   • Example: When your spouse shares something meaningful, you actively listen without distraction, showing them they matter. Put the phone down.

2. Respect is Creating Safety for Your Spouse

   • Making your marriage a place where your spouse feels emotionally, mentally, and physically secure.

   • Speaking with kindness, even in disagreement, and avoiding sarcasm, criticism, or belittling remarks.

   • Example: Instead of saying, “You always overreact,” say, “I may not fully understand, but I want to hear what’s bothering you.”

3. Respect is Valuing Their Perspectives and Ideas

   • Recognizing that their thoughts, emotions, and opinions are significant.

   • Being open to their influence rather than insisting on your own way.

   • Example: When making an important decision, you ask for their input and genuinely consider it before moving forward.

4. Respect is Doing What You Should and What You Say

   • Following through on commitments, both big and small.

   • Being reliable so your spouse can trust your words and actions.

   • Example: If you tell your spouse you will handle a task or be home at a specific time, you follow through or communicate any changes.

5. Respect is Honoring Boundaries

   • Recognizing that your spouse has personal needs, dreams, and space that deserve respect.

   • Supporting their growth rather than controlling or limiting them.

   • Example: If your spouse needs quiet time to recharge, you honor that space rather than taking it as rejection.

For more, here are Respect Part 1 and Respect Part 2 from our study.

An often-forgotten aspect of respect is having the courage to have hard conversations. Downplaying conflict can be disrespectful, while engaging in disagreements can show respect.

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Just a reminder, as Mother’s Day is quickly approaching, it’s a great time to order a few copies of Stay In Your Lane. While the book has many applications—business, marriage, parenting, and decision-making, the most repeated comments I have recieved have been about it’s impact on in-law relationships. DON’T buy the book and say, “You need to read this.” Ha ha. DO, buy the book and say, “I want you to hold me accountable to this.”