The Way We Talk About Lust

In partnership with

All your news. None of the bias.

Be the smartest person in the room by reading 1440! Dive into 1440, where 3.5 million readers find their daily, fact-based news fix. We navigate through 100+ sources to deliver a comprehensive roundup from every corner of the internet – politics, global events, business, and culture, all in a quick, 5-minute newsletter. It's completely free and devoid of bias or political influence, ensuring you get the facts straight.

Subscribe to 1440 today.

If someone were to curate a website solely for your sexual pleasure, what would they place on that site? I know that’s not the question you expect from the pastor, but mentally play along. If those with ill intentions tried to seduce you into deviant behavior, how would they tempt you?

Our thought is that those temptations are without explanation—apart from our gender and sexual orientation. But what if there is much more to it than that? What if your secret fantasies and desires were formed by unmet needs in your family of origin?

Too often when it comes to topics like these, our shame is so great that it prevents us from asking the questions that really matter. Rather than being curious about our temptations and weaknesses, we are embarrassed and try to STOP doing whatever it is that we are tempted to do. The problem is, that rarely works.

The result—is increased shame, hidden behavior, and a cycle that often mimics that of addiction. This hinders intimacy, destroys relationships, and keeps people stuck in unhealthy patterns.

Thankfully, there is a better way. When shame is replaced by curiosity and understanding is sought rather than denial, things begin to change.

This is the conversation on this week’s episode of Change the Odds the Podcast. (Spotify) Whether you are parenting teenagers (or soon-to-be teenagers), in a relationship, wanting a relationship, or desire to understand what some people go through, this podcast is a must-listen. My guest is Jay Stringer author of Unwanted. I highly recommend the book.

This month, Jay came to Sacramento to train our counselors as well as hold a Marriage One Night. While he was with us, we shot two podcast episodes. The first will be an overview of his work and ideas. The second will be a question and answer on commonly experienced problems with sex, intimacy, etc.

So much of Jay’s work ties our childhood experiences with our adult desires and struggles. In light of that idea, tell me (anonymously) how the topic of sex was handled in your family.

Since we are talking about intimacy, don’t forget to take our Marriage Assessment if you haven’t already. There are a few fascinating questions which most people would never consider regarding what it means to be a good lover. Yet our team that put the assessment together knows the importance of these topics.

For more on intimacy and marriage, consider:

• The Only Thing That’s Off Limits in Bed

• You Will Be Bad at Sex Until You Do This

• 7 Signs of a Satisfying Sex Life

We continue to get great reviews as small groups begin studying Becoming Friends, Partners & Lovers. It’s fun to hear stories of couples diving into the material. Going with the theme of this email, here is a small group video on the topic of intimacy.

Our 2025 calendar is filling fast with retreats, conferences, and Marriage One Nights. If you want to host an event, just respond to this email.