Think Again: Why Being Right Might Wreck Your Marriage

Author

Kevin A. Thompson
August 07, 2025

If you’ve ever won the argument but lost the connection, you understand the cost of intellectual pride.

Marriage isn’t a platform for proving your brilliance. It’s a partnership built on curiosity, listening, and sometimes saying the hardest four words in the English language: I could be wrong.

That’s what this week’s podcast is all about: intellectual humility. What it is, why it matters, and how the Enneagram shows us where we each resist it the most.

Here’s a preview.

What Is Intellectual Humility?

It’s not thinking less of your ideas; it’s holding them with open hands. It’s being confident enough to admit you have blind spots.

It says:

  • “I have convictions, but I still want to hear you.”

  • “I’ve studied this, but I might have missed something.”

  • “I see it this way, but I’m open to being wrong.”

In marriage, that posture isn’t optional. It’s essential.

What Happens Without It?

When intellectual pride shows up in marriage, it looks like this:

  • Needing to win the argument.

  • Dismissing your spouse’s perspective.

  • Weaponizing data, Scripture, or psychology to control.

  • Shutting down conversations with, “That makes no sense.”

  • Confusing loud certainty with quiet wisdom.

The result? A growing gap between two people who used to be curious about each other—and now just critique each other.

Personality & Intellectual Pride

Here’s the real gut-check. Each personality pathway has a unique way of resisting intellectual humility. If you want to grow, start by spotting your danger zone:

1 — The Reformer

Danger: Believing their way is the right way. Intellectual pride shows up as rigid standards and judgment toward others’ “flaws.”
Growth: Admit that different isn’t always wrong.

2 — The Helper

Danger: Assuming their emotional intelligence is always accurate. Can dismiss logic or differing perspectives as unloving.
Growth: Learn to receive input without feeling unloved or rejected.

3 — The Achiever

Danger: Equating productivity with wisdom. May reject ideas that slow them down or make them look imperfect.
Growth: Detach worth from winning. Value process over performance.

4 — The Individualist

Danger: Believing their emotional experience is deeper or more profound than others’. Can discount facts if they don’t “feel” true.
Growth: Balance emotion with reason. Welcome feedback.

5 — The Investigator

Danger: Valuing knowledge over connection. May assume they’re the smartest person in the room and disengage if challenged.
Growth: Share thinking openly. Invite others into the conversation.

6 — The Loyalist

Danger: Letting fear drive over-analysis and distrust. May challenge everything not out of openness but suspicion.
Growth: Choose curiosity over control. Trust the process.

7 — The Enthusiast

Danger: Dodging heavy or conflicting ideas to stay upbeat. Might trivialize disagreement or deflect with humor.
Growth: Stay present in tension. Deep connection often lives there.

8 — The Challenger

Danger: Equating strength with certainty. May bulldoze others intellectually to avoid vulnerability.
Growth: Let go of needing to dominate. True power listens.

9 — The Peacemaker

Danger: Avoiding intellectual conflict by suppressing their own thoughts. They agree outwardly but may silently resent.
Growth: Speak up. Your ideas matter—don’t hide to keep peace.

What’s Waiting in the Podcast

In the full episode, we dig into:

  • What intellectual humility actually is (and isn’t)

  • Why it makes marriage better—for both of you

  • 5 subtle ways pride is destroying your communication

  • How to develop humility without losing your voice

  • A practical challenge: one sentence to try this week that could change everything

Final Word

If you’ve ever shut your spouse down with logic…
If you’ve ever been technically right but emotionally unavailable…
If you’ve ever listened only long enough to load your counterpoint…

This episode is for you.

Because real intimacy isn’t built on being right.
It’s built on being real, open, and willing to say: “I could be wrong. Tell me more.”