Why Are So Many Adult Children Ghosting Their Parents?

Hey friends,

If you had to choose between being right and having the relationship, which would you choose?

That’s not a hypothetical for many families right now. I’m having conversations almost weekly with parents who are estranged from adult children. Sometimes it’s politics. Sometimes it’s faith. Sometimes it’s a son or daughter-in-law dynamic that slowly grew tense and then snapped. Sometimes it’s just years of small corrections that finally felt like too much. In almost every situation, both sides feel justified. Both sides can articulate their case. And both sides are losing.

In this week’s episode of Change the Odds, I sat down with Jim Burns to talk about what some are calling “the age of estrangement.” The statistics are sobering. But what struck me most wasn’t the numbers; it was the pattern. Parents trying to correct. Adult children trying to create space. Each convinced they’re doing what’s necessary. And somewhere in the middle, love gets buried under the need to win.

Here’s what I’ve learned, and what we unpack in the conversation: correction rarely restores connection. Kindness often does.

That doesn’t mean you abandon your convictions. It doesn’t mean you tolerate abuse or ignore addiction. Healthy boundaries matter. But there is a massive difference between a boundary and a cutoff. One protects the relationship. The other often buries it.

This is where Stay In Your Lane becomes so important. In that book, I talk about the difference between what’s mine, what’s yours, and what’s God’s. As our kids grow into adulthood, they move into their own lane. We still have influence—but we no longer have control. And when we try to control what we’re only meant to influence, we often lose both the influence and the relationship.

Influence is slower. Control feels faster. But control almost always backfires.

If you’re navigating tension with an adult child—or even just feeling the shift as a teenager prepares to launch—this episode will give you language and perspective for how to take the lead without overpowering. It will challenge you to think long-term. It will help you decide what outcome you actually want.

If the goal is relationship, the strategy cannot be winning.

I hope you’ll listen. And if you haven’t read Stay In Your Lane, this conversation is a living, breathing example of why that message matters so much. Learning to stay in your lane doesn’t make you passive. It makes you wise. It protects your heart while preserving connection.

You can listen to the episode here:

Let’s be people who value relationship enough to handle disagreement with maturity. Marriage and family were never meant to be a game of chance—but they do require intentionality.

Let’s change the odds.

Kevin

p.s. Have you ever wondered about the connection between Stay In Your Lane and Love Styles? The latter is actually the prequel to the former. If you struggle to stay in your lane, it’s likely a sign of non-secure attachment. Whereas the ability to know what you can control, influence and accept is a key indicator of secure attachment.