The Blind Spot Threatening Most Good Marriages

Most couples have no idea how healthy their marriage actually is.

They know if things feel good or bad today. They know if they’re fighting more or less this week. But day-to-day mood is different from deep, long-term structural health.

Over the last year, while writing my upcoming book, I started asking a question I’ve never really asked before:

What if the health of a marriage isn't just determined by the relationship itself?

What if a truly flourishing marriage requires three distinct things at the exact same time?

1. The health of Me (My individual flourishing)

2. The health of You (My spouse's individual flourishing)

3. The health of Us (The relationship we are creating together)

Most marriage advice focuses solely on the "Us." But healthy marriages require both individual growth and collective connection.

When one area is neglected, the whole system breaks down. Sometimes people lose themselves in the "We" and sacrifice their own identity. Other times, two capable people build separate lives and slowly drift apart—the "Me" is strong, but the "Us" is weak.

The goal isn't independence or dependence. It's healthy interdependence.

To help you figure out exactly where your relationship stands, my team and I built a brand-new tool: The You, Me & Us Assessment.

In just a few minutes, it will reveal exactly how you are doing in all three areas. It might affirm what you’re doing right, or it might expose a massive blind spot you didn't know existed.

Here is my recommendation: Take the assessment right now, then ask your spouse to take it separately. Compare your scores. Talk about where you agree, where you differ, and what surprised you.

👉 Take the free 3-minute assessment HERE.

Once you get your results, reply to this email and tell me what you discovered. Strong marriages aren’t built by accident; they are built when healthy people intentionally create a healthy Us.

Rooting for you,

Kevin

P.S. You are the first people to see this Assessment. In the next few months, thousands of people will take it. If something doesn’t make sense, please let me know so I can improve it.